a damaged burden

at the time he said over and over again that I wasn't a burden.

he said I could come to him, even asked that I did before resorting to disappearing off grid for hours at a time like I had that day.

as soon as he said it though,

I'm sure he regretted it.

or maybe just knew I wouldn't take him up on that offer; past that night.

it wasn't planned but I spilled my heart out on that whim.

I had kept this all locked inside countless times before,

always afraid I'd scare them away.

but this time I spilled.

he asked more than once,

and I think that control he had over me is what made this time different.

so I unleashed that darkness onto him;

left myself exposed and vulnerable; past any point I'd previously crossed.

he cracked me open in such a weak moment,

and I'm sure he knew immediately then that I was too damaged to be kept in the forefront of his life.

but at the time, at least to me he continued to reassure me, time and time again;

at least until he grew silent.

I know I scared him off,

I truly have no one to blame but myself.

his reassurements were just spoken words.

there was no depth behind them,

what else was he to say.

because away he went;

he took apart of my heart with him,

and he doesn't have even the slightest clue.