alone with loss

everybody experiences loss.

it's one of the heartbreaking realities that defines life.

it just so happens that every single loss I've ever lived through has blindsided me in such a way that has shaken me to my core and set my existence into a foreign orbit.

maybe my heart aches in a different way-

or perhaps it's what I'm trying to convince myself of, if only to give myself some sense of comfort.

maybe when I'm blindsided it hurts my soul in a different way.

or maybe I'm just so fucked up that I'm constantly searching for excuses as to why I'm so broken.

nonetheless, I am broken.

I'm afraid; of life, and of myself.

I've been living in such a petrified state, not wanting to being left alone.

all this fear has cause me to jeopardize who I am as a person,

in order to keep people in my life.

because I can't survive anymore loss.

no matter the cause, I've lost it all.

so now I don't know who I am, I just know I'm broken.

shattered by the cruel experiences of life.

so please,

please don't leave me alone.