cycle of myself

the day creeps along and I can feel the pain coursing through my veins in a silencing manner.

the pain slowly shutting down every last emotion-

draining the hope I awoke with; as each second ticks by.

by the time nighttime nears, even numbness has somehow deceased within me.

and as the nighttime falls; I'm greeted with the timeline in my mind of how I'd ended up here once again.

because I thought I knew lonely.

I thought I'd battled through my deepest of pains.

swearing the worst had to be behind me.

countless mountains I'd already climbed; some metaphorical, and a few realistic along the way.

the horizon had come within my reach, I swore it had.

but I'd been fooled, once again.

still too far from my grasp.

so I am left wondering how much more I can take,

to reach the horizon, to escape the twisted parts of my soul.

and it's not as if I'd never reached this false peak before.

I had just fooled myself into thinking I was more.

but I'm stuck in a sick cycle of my own inner demons,

and the day still greets me.

and with the day seems to come hope.

the sun brings a sense of wonder, a sense of something more.

in the fresh morning dew, I feel the strength to try to conquer another mountain,

to fight through the pain that grasps on the weakest parts of my mind.

because I know I'd survived worst.

I was still existing, maybe not living; but certainly existing.

and if I'd made it through much worse,

I prayed I could make it through myself.